The hidden side of Perfectionism (part 2/3)

This article is the second part of three articles about dealing with the hidden costs of perfectionism. How to balance the necessity to be perfect with other strengths that you have in order to not impair them at the cost of the sole perfection. You can find the introductory part in the first article here, otherwise, you can keep reading about the possible solutions I experimented on the subject.

The iterative approach I took at work embraces the motto: "You do your best in the time you have, iteratively." Inherently, here, you need to admit that at each iteration, you can do better but at some point, you will have to stop. You need to acknowledge the "imperfection" of your work.

Same as at work, in life, we need to embrace our imperfections and learn to live with them. The book "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown helps to understand the benefits of acknowledging that we cannot be perfect. The first step is to work on authenticity. Sometimes we force ourselves to be perfect in something because of external inputs, but in reality, we do not believe in that kind of perfection. We should decide when we want to be authentic and when not. Being authentic or not authentic costs energy, so either way, go with what is best for you at the moment. You should have the courage to let people know your choice. Let them know that being perfect creates certain emotions and costs you energy. In either situation, when you want to be perfect and when you prefer not to, you should acknowledge your struggle and understand that people around you struggle as well. With compassion, you can create a connection to accept that we cannot be always perfect and need to compromise. For example, with a colleague, I was preparing a project application. They were more oriented on producing content to speed up and meet the deadline. I would have preferred to ensure a precise answer to each one of the requirements. Therefore, we decided to talk to each other and explain each one's reasons. We ended up compromising on selecting the requirements that needed precision and priority, ending up with a blend of perfection and speed. 

With authenticity comes the honesty of acknowledging our fear of shame. Often, we hide our fears behind perfectionism. As I said above, perfectionism is illusory. We should not practice perfectionism in an attempt to please others and shield ourselves from criticism. Do not be afraid of criticism and failure. They are a source of feedback to get better without obsessing early on in the process. For example, once I had to prepare a paper to present the results of an experiment. My supervisor asked me to provide them with a draft. I insisted on working to perfect the paper before handing it over. What I obtained was very hard to digest feedback because I invested too much energy, and my ability to accept any change was bound to it. Exiting the schema I had in my mind for the kind of results I wanted to achieve proved to be very difficult, making the task difficult to perform. I gave up a lot of my energy because I was too intensively focused on my way of seeing the perfect paper.

Perfectionists tend to acquire tunnel vision. Even though it might be beneficial to intensely focus on the objective, a narrow vision, oriented to the details, can exacerbate the necessity of perfection. The risk is that you see only the details of your work, focusing on perfecting them. You might lose a lot of time and energy over the details, forgetting the bigger picture. Basically, you see more of the imperfections rather than the wider picture. Achieving your goals in life is a journey composed of steps. Not all of them should be perfect. You should keep an eye on what you accomplished and another on where you want to go. Consider the broader picture to contextualize the current step. At work, I had to learn how to change my focus to be able to transition from operation to management. In the beginning, I was treating management with the same perfection that I was used to when executing single missions. I quickly learned that if you have 3/4 projects and several people to direct, you cannot indulge in perfection. You need to redefine the boundaries and keep your vision open. As long as the project is on its tracks and problems get solved, most of the time things go well. If you focus your vision narrowly on every single imperfection, you can easily get overwhelmed. 

Since any excuse to procrastinate is a good excuse, even perfectionists procrastinate. For a perfectionist, it is often better to keep working on details, making the results shine, instead of accepting uncertainty and risks. Most of the time, we indulge in perfecting something, but our intuition is saying, "It is good, if it is not enough this way, nothing would be." Despite this paradox, we keep going and keep refactoring. The solution is to trust our intuition. Intuition is more than just a gut feeling. It is information that our brain provides given our life experience. Yes, it is not always accurate, but most of the time, it's good enough. Without knowing it, I was already applying this principle when preparing public presentations. For me, presentations are one of the most stressful situations. It is where I feel the most exposed to people's judgment (in reality, it's not you but your work that it’s exposed...). To cope with the stress, my go-to solution was to ruminate and rehearse the presentation to "perfection." In reality, by doing so, I was making things worse. I was adding layers of stress to the inevitable D-day. In the majority of cases, when I do a presentation, I present a topic about which I am an expert or at least knowledgeable. In these situations, my brain tells me that I should be confident. It tells me, "You did already presentations in the past, nothing catastrophic happened." Basically, I should trust my intuition that I know the deal and, of course, after sufficient preparation (not obsessing!) the presentation will go well. So we should trust our intuition. Most of the time, we do not need to be perfect. 

Another source fueling perfection is comparison. We constantly compare ourselves to the people around us. We strive to be better with respect to what we can directly observe. When we compare, we often look for details, narrowing our focus. When we focus on perfecting details, we lose our individuality because all the competitors tend to converge to similar results. By excessively comparing ourselves to others, we tend to suppress our individuality. We lose our creative side because we are constantly focusing on the details instead of innovating. It is a bit simplistic, but it is like the smartphone race. Apple invented the iPhone, an innovation, and now they and all the competitors are perfecting the screen, the camera, the processing power, etc. Their only way of "innovating" is to tell us, "Look at us, we perfected the smartphone" (not kidding, check out Apple, Google, and Samsung ads). So the advice is to remember that we are all capable of creativity and to exit the sprawl of perfectionism, you should use it. Even if you compare yourself to others, try to be creative and not fall into the trap of uniformity. Do not let perfectionism suppress your creativity. 

If you have a hobby of pursuing some talents besides your work, it is important that you consider them as part of your "portfolio." Do not downplay them just because you think that you aren't perfect at them. This applies also to sports or other play activities. If you enjoy doing them, pursue them, and take time in your life to cultivate them no matter how good you are at them. For example, in my field, I am a good computer scientist, I even have a Ph.D. In my spare time, among other activities, I like to play floorball, go hiking, and write this blog. Am I perfect at them all? Far from it, but these activities are part of my life, and I enjoy doing them without striving for perfection. This allows me to take a step back from my day, filled with tasks that should be "precisely executed." I play and learn without pressure. This brings me to the last concept I want to express. It is normal that when you start a new activity or a completely new task, you are not perfect at it. Let's be honest, in the long term, you won't be perfect, just very, very good. And to be so takes time and experience, so do not be afraid to be uncool because you are "the new one at it." If you like and enjoy what you are doing, go for it, express yourself, and with time, you will see that the anxiety of being a beginner will dissipate, and with it, the urge of being perfect!

In the third part of this article, I am reflecting on my new situation, what changed for me and how it is working so far and the importance of your social environment.