The hidden side of Perfectionism (part 3/3)

This article is the last part of three articles about dealing with the hidden costs of perfectionism. You can find the introductory part in the first article here or the second part about possible solutions here.

As we could see, striving for perfection is a good quality, but it brings with it a series of paradoxes. I understood that perfection comes at the cost of many other qualities that I have. Therefore, I started to experiment and attempt to relax my perfectionism in lower-stake situations. The process is allowing me to test what works for me and what the limits are to find a balance between my need to provide quality output in anything I do in life and express my other strengths.

For example, I am a person who trusts people in general. I try to see them as honest beings, and I am often open to getting along with them. I was often suppressing trust because I wanted them to achieve the objectives in my own way, in my perfect way. I was providing step by steps instructions to achieve the goal exactly the way I wanted taking away the individuality and contribution of whom was executing the task under my direction. Not only is this approach exhausting, but it also suppresses their creativity. I tested relaxing my need to provide perfect instructions. I do not attempt anymore to guide people on rails. The results are very positive, and I appreciate the new dynamics I have with those I interact with. The positive repercussions are not only related to interpersonal relations but also to myself. I can be more agile and flexible, adapt, and choose the level of expectations I have for an outcome. I relieved some pressure, and I am more open and creative. Also, I feel less anxiety in the organization of tasks because I am confident that the results are going to be good enough.

Of course, you need the complicity of the people around you, but that can be cultivated over time. And if it does not work, you can always choose the kind of engagement you want to have with those people… I am happy to discover more and experiment with different situations to make my pursuit of perfection fruitful and positive. I still have a lot of learning to do, but I now understand better the dynamics, risks, and benefits of perfectionism.

In this three-part article, we saw how perfectionism can be a good ally until it reaches its limits. It certainly has positive impacts, but often comes at a cost. It might reduce your authenticity, taking away a bit of your personality. It pushes conformity with the immediate context and can be a symptom of a lack of confidence (fear of shame hides behind perfectionism). It can also create more anxiety because it is a false solution to anxiety itself (a self-nourishing cycle). Furthermore, it impairs your intuition and agility to come up with new solutions to sudden problems. It might prevent you from unleashing your creativity and showcasing your hidden talents to the world.

At this point, you might think that being a perfectionist is not a good thing. Personally, I now believe that it still remains an excellent trait, but it should not be abused. It should be a guide that allows you to achieve great results and satisfaction for yourself and those you interact with. It should be counterbalanced with other qualities you surely have, and you should actively monitor its influence on your day-to-day life and your mental well-being. The first step of this journey would be to understand where you stand. Are you a perfectionist, or do you not care much about details? What are your expectations for yourself and others?